God and His Love

Today I got to talk to my representative from Global Expeditions about my Zambia trip :). I got alot of my financial information and set some short term goals for myself involving the trip. I am so excited, I can barely stand it! What is so awesome, is how God can use someone as unlikely as me to touch lives of orphans in Africa. Financially too, it seems impossible for me to raise 5000 dollars, but that is the beauty of it! God will defy all odds, I mean he defied death, so he can definitely provide for me financially. It's so awesome.
I keep a prayer journal because it's easier for me not to get distracted when I'm writing to God, and it's cool to look back at prayers and see how God has answered me in the past. It was weird how today I started praying and it was like I couldn't stop. I had so much I wanted to talk to God about. For the first time in a while I truly feel like I am dependent on God for EVERYTHING. It's a good place to be. Because I know I am dependent on someone who is so reliable. It's great to ask God questions and know that He will eventually answer me in His perfect way and timing. I feel so undeserving, after all the times I have and still will disappoint and disobey God. But yet He still chooses to love me and use me and listen to me rant about my trivial, volatile little problems and feelings.
It's so painful for me to think about friends of mine who don't have a relationship with God. They don't know what it's like to know Love to this extent. I wish I could communicate my faith to them in a way that they can understand it, or live my life in such a way that they see something different. Certain people have been so laid on my heart lately and it just eats me up inside. And everytime I start to share about my faith, it feels like I just get shut down. And 9 out of 10 times their reasoning for shutting me down is because they've seen how Christians today act, and how condemning we are. That makes me so mad. How Christians, myself included, are so quick to tell other people what is wrong with them. And yet we are so messed up ourselves. We like to play judge and say well your sins are worse than mine. For example, frequently we call out homosexuality. But lusting after someone of the same sex is just as bad as lusting after someone of the opposite sex. It's all not of God; it's of sin. Drinking and drugs is often picked out too. But I know I've been struggling with an addiction myself, but it isn't to alcohol or drugs or anything illegal, but it is still just as bad because it takes my eyes off God. So what gives me the right to condemn someone when I have the same issues? I don't have any right. Us Christians should be ashamed of ourselves for pointing fingers. Instead we should love these people. Maybe if I could go out of my way to love someone, they wouldn't turn to substance abuse because God's love working through me might reach them. Or if a mother simply loved her daughter, she wouldn't turn to a lesbian relationship. Just after listening to responses of my friends who aren't Christians, when I ask them why they aren't, it's just rather convicting. If we could just show a little bit more Love in this World, maybe people wouldn't be so bitter. Just some food for thought and a reminder to myself.
Well I am getting up early to exercise in the morning, so I should probably get to bed, so I can be productive tomorrow! God bless!